Entering Limboland...GH Saga Part 8

[PositivelyListening]

Good morning grasshopper,
It is so hard to be patient, and not get exhausted, isn't it? Your post struck me because I think the ambivalence, and not knowing what is going to happen, is always the hardest thing for me. This affected my marriage throughout - I was the planner, he was the "let's see what happens" one. I am much more proactive in creating/causing, so my biggest frustration in my marriage was trying to figure out how to do that when I was in a partnership instead of by myself. I know how to do it on my own, but wanting certain things in the context of partnership made it all so much more complicated! They just don't always think/behave/choose the way we want them to How's that for getting the importance of giving up the need to control?

Anyway, you said

It comes back to the age old issue in my M; my W seems to hate it when I am gone, but doesn't really seem to like me around too much either. Maybe it's simply finding a balance when I am around the house of not being around her too much OR too little. In the end, I can't worry about that too much. I am going to do what I want to do until such time comes where we are really working on our M because to do anything else doesn't make much sense right now and would be counterproductive.

I think you are right on here, and I would even say that you will need to keep doing what you want to do, forever. I get the sense that you have sometimes sacrificed your own needs/wants/good ideas etc. to cater to your wife's, and you will end up in the same sitch if you let that happen again. Granted, sometimes we need to cater to our partner's needs, but if we do that, it needs to be becaase we WANT to, and after conscious thought about it and choosing it.

A thought: Maybe your wife's coldness is related to your lack of personal power. I know you love your wife, and are a dedicated husband and father. Give her someone she can respect too. Keep trying to find that balance. You have done an amazing job in weathering this crisis. Part of what has allowed that to happen, is that you are getting in touch with yourself and getting a life that you love. You noticed you slipped a little last weekend? OK! What are you going to do today that will give you pleasure? I think that is the very best thing we can do, in the face of "I don't know what's going to happen". If you think about it, we never really know what's going to happen anyway, even when we've planned for it. So might as well make the best of the journey, starting today and each day.