Good point OT. I guess, as I alluded to, I think I am pretty attuned to what is a real issue, that should be addressed directly (like I never do, but hey, I know when I SHOULD anyway. lol) and what is mostly in my head. I TRULY have no idea what that was about and actually verbalizing any fear that it was about the OM really introduces him into a situation where he may not be involved at all.
I am constantly worried (ick) about my old habit of forming these entire scenarios in my head and then living in them rather than living in the real world. To me, this is more of the old me rather than the new me.
Maybe she acted that way because she had just done laundry and her stuff was getting shuffled around. Maybe it was just a continuation of her mood from earlier. Maybe it was because it was past midnight, on a night where I have to get up at 6:00am (everyday but weekends) and I was rummaging all over the house for a camcorder I was not going to do anything with then anyway...I really don't know.
The OM stuff is in my head. I refuse to allow it to be any more than that for me now. It/he is what he is and I am not going to ascribe any more power to him. NOW, if I start finding things (Teddy Bear, shirts, etc) then I will address it directly. My paranoia will live alone in my head for now.
The real question I need to ask directly is "Is the OM around because it sure feels like he's not lately. What's up?" That question supercedes all others in relation to the OM. Until I know if he is gone (or at least she says he is), which it seems like he is, then I am leery of bringing him up other than to ask the big question. When will I ask that question? I don't know. I guess when I am ok with the answer being "No". Right now I am taking a break from things and just enjoying the peace for awhile. Is it denial? I suppose. I suppose it could be. I prefer to think of it as biding my time while keeping the DB ideal of no R talk before it's time. I will HAVE to ask the question sooner or later if she does not volunteer the answer.
