Quote:

Rubbing someone's back and obsessing over whether to brush the side of her breast of not while your hands dampen from anxiety is tentative.



Wow, were you THERE: lol. Seriously, damn, is that so common that...well...damn...you figured me out.

As for the rest, yes, I want to be direct and I will be.

In terms of the unprotected sex thing, well, we don't do that anyway, never have except when we were trying for kids, which WE ARE NOT going to do again so...

Like I have said in a way here, and DIRECTLY to my C yesterday, I have a feeling of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" a lot these days. I see SO much progress that is obvious and does NOT require reading between the lines (the ring, her being ok with me touching her at all which is better than even the past year when she really didn't want back rubs, better family time, planning for the future, great communication, etc) and other examples of things that COULD be progress (no OM evidence since we got back from Ireland, no more teddy bear or shirts with his cologne, etc) that I am ok with the plan as it is. I don't feel the need to take the next step yet, and I don't fear her, well, somehow wanting that and going back to the OM full time because I am not doing it.

That conversation, about what I want from our marriage and my W, and our passion or lack of it, WILL happen but not right now. We are not there yet, and I firmly believe that. My C agrees. C thinks talking about sexual intimacy or even really pursuing it is kinda like a stage 2 conversation/action. She/I believe that more time needs to be given to the process that we all know as DBing because it clearly is working. More time will let me get more comfortable with myself and strengthen the friendship that I believe will lead to more soon. I just think I have more work to do before I take that step. Like some of those contemplating their WAS returning home and being unsure if they are ready, I feel like I only want to take that step when I am ready to do it right. I have a lifetime of doing it wrong to sorta get over first. Patience, counseling, you all, and this process are all helping me get there and I realize that the real progress won't be made until I, as Nike says, Just DO It...lol.

Could I go home tonight and just start talking about what I need and want? Sure, but there's no pressure on me to do that. To clarify, I DON'T NEED to do that right now. I have gone this long without passion in my M so more time will not kill me, especially if I believe that waiting will lead to better days ahead. I am in this for the long haul.

Last thing is that I just want you, OT, to know that I really appreciate your input on this issue of being direct and not being tentative. Maybe I am not showing it yet by what I am posting/doing, but those ideas ARE transforming how I think about myself and how I want to be in my marriage. It's also giving me insight into what I want/need my W to be as well, and knowing both of those things gives me great hope that I will do the right thing in the end. I promise you it's not falling on deaf ears. Seriously, much of this is new to me and I WILL get it sooner or later...hopefully sooner!

GH

Current Thread