Quote: So, I'm not doing this primarily to manipulate my W (I know that is a pet peeve of yours, GH ), but it won't hurt anything that she will fell horribly left out and miss being part of a family and taking those trips that we've taken in the past.
It's funny how sometimes you all talk about me as if I know what I am talking about. Anything I know, or is a pet peeve of mine, is really just recycled advice you all have given me combined with some stuff I have read, also on recommendation from YOU.
I guess my strength is that I am not afraid of trying to help. I am not afraid because I assume (oops) that everyone here understands that I, like everyone else here, am a lay-person without any formal training or education to speak of on this subject. I am just a guy going through it same as the rest of you. If this sounds like false modesty, I assure you, it's not. I respect the kind words some of you have given me because of the help I have been able to offer you. I just get a little amused at how LOST I feel sometimes and yet I still am perceived as knowing what I am doing.
No matter what, I am grateful to those of you who help me daily, and I am honored by those of you who feel helped by me.
Anyway, I had a couple comments to make that as usual, came from reading other's sitches.
The first one was about a question asked of somebody. They were asked how long they would last in their R if their WAS came home one day and said "Honey, I love you and lets work things out." but nothing else changed in the sitch. I guess my answer would be...well...I guess we'll see...My W has not said those words, but she put the ring back on and said she's trying to get back to "us" but I see little else changing with her so we'll see. The gist of the post I read was that it was NOT enough for the WAS to say the words, but they also had to do the deeds. I suppose as luck would have it, my W is sorta doing the deeds (well not THAT deed but...) and skipped over the words part. Dunno which is better. Both would be nice I suppose.
Next thing is that I thought that Tiger Woods had an interesting, albeit common, quote during his interview last night on 60 minutes. Again, it's a common refrain but I relate it to my sitch. "I will know when to quit when my best isn't good enough to win anymore." Isn't that the truth. That is the perfect way to sum up what we all say around here about each of us determining when enough is enough. I know when my I am doing my best to grow and be the best man I can be and my W still continues down the road away from me, it's time to move on. The problem with Woods, me, and anyone else espousing this philosophy as it relates to some pursuit is that you NEVER think you are doing your best so there is always room to be "better" lol. Leaves a LOT of doors open, doesn't it. I have lots of experience with this because it's taken me more than 12 years to launch my photography career and all the while I had my parents, friends and lovers all ask me why I kept going. I always told them it was because I knew there was at least one more thing left to try and if that failed, well then I would move on...'cept there was always one more thing.
In that situation with my career, which is now proving to be very successful, and this one with my marriage, I am optimistic. That optimism, and my belief in it is one of the things that helped me turn around so quickly when the bombs dropped. One of the things my W said to me was the I was one of the most negative people she ever met. Immediately I knew that the man SHE knew, the man I projected to the world WAS NOT who I was inside. The man who went through years of, well, failure to try to reach his goal of becoming a successful photographer could NOT afford to be negative yet here I was, my W, the person who knows me best, telling me I was the opposite of how I felt inside. I knew it was time for some SERIOUS soul searching and once I did that, it wasn't hard to find the glaring issues that contributed to the demise of my marriage.
When I get to the point where I have nothing left to give, or can't be optimistic anymore, then it's time to give in. That time is not here yet. I hope I'll know when it is.
