GH You know I am sort of loathe to give advice since my R is such a disaster of backslide-dom, but here goes anyway: I think you should talk with W about R. It is time. I know it doesn't seem very DB - but that's becuase of the A - other DBers who don't have this issue talk about thier R's all the time - just carefully. You've got to be very careful. I have had some R talk successes in the past - and the key is the same discipline we use regarding the A. Namely - set some boundaries for yourself. Practice a way of de-escalating the talk if you find either of you getting too emotional. In fact, try the conversation on for size in front of the mirror. Sadly, we KNOW exactly what they will say to most things, so this roll playing isn't too hard. Finally, if you feel its going badly, have a "main idea" sentence in mind for if you have to end the convo quickly. And have the courage to just leave some things out there undiscussed. This is very hard for me, but you seem to do okay with uncertainty so I know you can do it. Use lots of "I" statements, don't tell her how you think she feels, and don't let her put things on you either. If she does say how she feels, try to reflect it back to her so she feels heard. Maybe, she will take your cue and do the same for you. Also, I think that since intimacy is an issue, you need to leave it out of this convo so she doesn't think you're talking with her in order to get some. (BTW, I agree with the other women on this list who have said to get some eggs and just initiate for crying out loud. Tentativeness isn't sexy. Talking about tentativeness isn't sexy. Getting hit on in a whole new way by somebody willing to take a risk is sexy. Listen to the women, GH. We know. Remember in high school when you made out just for the sake of making out and there was no ML goal in sight? Rememeber how excellent that was? Try that.) Have you thought about telling her how you felt last night as a point of discussion? i.e. you love her and miss her and don't want to have your old marriage. Furthermore, what would she want in new marriage? Anyway, just my two cents. You are getting good at detaching, but talking with her is new. You might not be good at it the first time. That's okay. Go easy. good luck Erin
