Oh Grasshopper, I feel your pain. If you look at Alway_14's thread in piecing she too is right where we both are at. We are questioning our sanity and ready to throw in the towel. Please hang in there! If you want we can send private messages to eachother - I can be your emotional outboard...just a thought.

I want to tell you a story about a man and women that I once knew that were both married and having an affair. I have been thinking about them and relating it to my/our situations.

The woman was married to a handsome, fun, charasmatic man who had one flaw - he was addicted to sex. Not only with his wife but with every other woman he knew. Because he was so charming, women fell for him left and right. Nothing ever lasted, just one night stands. The young wife loved this man and loved the idea of being married so she chose to put up with it. One day after a company softball game the wife went out drinking, a male co-worker had always given her attention which she never really thought anything about. Then in the parking lot as they were leaving, he kissed her. Passionately! Over time this kiss turned into a romantic love affair. It lasted 5 years. The man was married with kids! They both knew they were wrong but they had finally found their true love. Both of their spouses eventunately found out and they both denied the affair and became more secretive and creative with their meetings. They both still loved their spouses and continued to live their double lifes. One day the young wifes husband told her he was leaving, he met a stripper and wanted a life with her. She was devastated. She cried for days and days but let him go. Now was her chance to be with her true love. But...he couldn't leave his kids. She didn't understand. She thought he loved her. She cooled things off with him.
Then one Valentine's Day she was out in a bar with her single friends drinking when she saw HIM. The most handsome man! She had to meet him! He saw her too, it was love at first sight. They talked, he drove his friends home and came back for her. They went back to her house and talked all night. They started dating right away. After a few weeks he moved in with her. They went on a romantic trip to Mexico. He sent her flowers at work every month on the day they met. They flooded eachother with cards professing their undying love. Six months later he proposed to her. They were married on the year anniversary of their meeting on Valentines' Day 1994. They wanted kids right away but unfortunately had 2 misscarriages, then in 1995 they had a beautiful baby girl! She was colicky and he worked two jobs. The wife became depressed. Then in 1997 they had another baby girl! They were all so happy!! In 2000 they had a little boy, a stillborn. The wife became depressed again. In 2001 they moved into a bigger home and had a beautiful little boy!! One big happy family. But money was getting tight. The wife took a job waitressing leaving her husband home at night with three small kids. He was lonely, the wife was never in the mood for sex. She was too tired, too fat, you name it. She never initiated anything. He always did, and was turned down lots of times. Then the husband started to put up walls. He started to guard his feelings. He felt hurt and rejected. He thought he was a loving and nuturing husband, why didn't his wife want him. He started to have a bad self image of himself. Plus all she did was complain, nothing ever made her happy. He started avoiding coming home. He worked more and more overtime. He started going rollerblading after work. He needed to think. Then he met someone at work and they started to talk, she could feel his pain. She was unhappy too, they started an affair........move to today.....the women in the story is me. Karma? What goes around comes around? Who knows? What I do know is when I was in the affair, I wasn't thinking clearly. I was too wrapped up in this other person. This is where my H is now. Sure he loves me, just not "in love" with me and he loves his kids enough to stick around but all he wants is her. She accepts him for who he is, she adores him, appreciates him, makes him feel good about himself. Everything his wife should have been doing but didn't. She went off track. She put her life and her kids first and never considered her husbands feelings at all. Sure she thought she was being a good wife, but she wasn't. Now she has a chance to really look at herself and change. Maybe it won't bring back her H, although she hopes with all of her heart that it does.

Sorry, to end here but I've gotta take the kiddies to school.