Ok, I got a spontaneous idea. I didn't think about it, didn't post about it, didn't seek approval, really even from myself, I just did it. It felt good to just make a decision for once, good or bad!
What did I do you may ask? Well, my W is shopping with a friend (GF) of hers today and she called me to tell me that they would be at the mall right near my work. I joked about meeting her for lunch (only a joke because I only get 1/2 hour for lunch) and she said to go ahead. I said I may stop by but didn't know. NOW, my thought was that I wanted to do a 180 that really takes me back to my roots in terms of our R. You see, I am a hopeless romantic who, for some reason, forgot to let my W see that part of me. She's made MANY comments about that over the years, and even since this whole thing started. So I decided on a whim to buy a single rose and leave it for her at the checkout counter of her favorite store. I knew she had not been there yet and knew she would go so it was perfect. I left the flower with one of the girls in the store along with a description of my W and her name. She said she'd try to make sure she got it.
I did actually see W and her friend eating and had a sandwich with them before rushing back to work.
SO, I left and awhile later I talked to W on the phone. We just made a couple comments about lunch and in the end she said "oh, and thanks for the rose" with no real emotion in her voice. I played dumb but admitted to it a second later and said you're welcome.
I have NO idea if she like the gesture or not, I couldn't tell from the phone call at all. All I know is that I had fun doing it and it's true to who I want to be, with my W or anyone else for that matter. Sure, it could be seen as pressure, but I don't see it that way. Will I regret being impulsive? Maybe, but likely not. I miss being that way, and I don't necessarily need her to feel a certain way to do it. Of course, if she says "don't ever do that kind of thing for me again." well, then I will honor that request.
I see my sitch being at the point where SOME romantic overtures are reasonable, and if not, then oh well, something ventured, something gained, either good feelings or knowledge or sometimes both. I am over not taking risks in this. I still don't feel comfortable with some things, but in keeping with the idea that I am courting my W all over again, may as well start at the beginning.
I will post more about this if there is more to post.
