I soooo agree with you here... Those who remain stuck in their bitterness and anger are those who still play the role of the victim and seldom, if ever, truly confront and acknowledge their own contributions to the problems in the M. They insist on seeing everything their spouse does or even ex-spouse does (or did) that hurts as an action taken AGAINST THEM. Even long after D, these people continue to personalize the X's actions. It is very sad to watch, and, to be blunt, the egocentricity is not very attractive and reveals a lot about their unacknowled contributions to the problems in the M.
The secret to real growth and happiness is feeling empowered and owning your actions, the good and the bad.... recognizing that any of those painful patterns took TWO players, and you were one... and learning to extend compassion and understanding to your spouse, or X-spouse.
