RB, try the email I have posted now. I had it wrong. It's a gmail account, not hotmail. Sorry...
Journaling
Litterally nothing to report this morning. Since this is new thread, I will give you all my links so if you are new to my sitch, you can have days of reading should you be glutton for punishment...
Well, that's the WHOLE story. If you get through all that, I should give you a prize or something.
You may ask yourself how I could have posted so much in just 3 months...well, I am lucky enough to have a day job working on a computer and we have been REALLY slow most of this time. So, I am on most of the day during the week, not so much at night or the weekends.
Feel free to email me off-board if you want.
To end this first post of my new thread, I will summarize my sitch for those of you without the time nor inclination to read all my junk.
M: 35 W: 36 S5 & S3 Married 8, together 10. Bombs fell December 30th, 2005. Happy New Year!
Basic ILYBNILWY story, then a couple hours after that bomb fell came the "oh, and one more thing, I have been seeing someone else for a couple months." She claims it was/is not physical, and so far as I know, the A still continues. She claims NOT to want to separate, nor get a divorce, but doesn't really know what she wants either. She's said all the usual about us not getting married for the right reasons, her never really loving me, she wants the movie/TV kind of love, etc. All by the book. If your WAS said it, my W did too. Luckily for me, I did NOT do much begging or pleading after the first horrible night. I found DB on day 3 of my sitch and have been DBing since then with varying degrees of success. I do NOT know much about OM. I know his name, what he looks like, what he drives, and that's about it. I DO NOT believe in snooping unless a lawyer tells me to do it because I will need evidence in court.
In terms of the A, they see/saw each other mainly in the daytime when I was at work and she was home (both kids in school now). She was going out once a week or so, I assume with him though she claimed it was with friends, etc. She has always maintained she was meeting more people than just him.
Things have slowly improved. We went on a trip to Ireland a couple weeks ago and it really helped us reconnect. Now, the OM seems to have faded. She has not been out at night since the trip. She recently bought a new wedding band to wear everyday (well, I paid for it, she picked it out). Since she does not communicate her feelings very well, I still have no idea where we stand other than it's a lot better than 3 months ago. We still haven't ML in almost 6 months. Physical affection is non-existent.
Our friendship is growing stronger, and I would say that we are able to talk more freely, and have more fun than ever. In that respect, things are great, and I attribute that to DB, and the areas of ME that I have been able to change to not be so controlling, uptight and angry. I am now able to relax, have fun with my kids and W, and am generally happier than I have been in my life, EVEN with all this going it. It CAN be done, it really can (oh, and the LBS diet allowed me to get in FANTASTIC shape for the first time in over a decade...).
For those of you going through something similar (aren't we all), there is MUCH more to my story, and GREAT advice contained in my threads from VERY wise people that may very well help you. If it sounds like my story is close enough to yours, I encourage you to skim the threads and pick out what may help you.
So, I don't know where things stand right now. As of about a week ago, we are officially in limbo and I hate it. I continue to work on myself, and I am discovering new things every day, some good, some bad. Intimacy issues are the topic of the day.
I'll end the way I should every first post of a thread by thanking all those who have been with me on this journey here and without whom I would not have been able to make this progress. NYS, Tim, OT, Rob, Lisa, Amy, Heather, Bowtech, FD, RB, Frank, SS, lmdi, wtsi, NM, don, c1t, and faith. To anyone else I may have forgotten, I apologize, I sincerely do because you DESERVE my gratitude. You all have either directly helped me with great advice or by sharing your stories have helped me understand my own better. Everyone here is an inspiration to me.
I think of you all every day and for myself, I just hope I can have the strength to see this through. If I have learned one thing recently, it's that a lack of conflict DOES NOT mean easy sailing.
