Quote: Okay, well, ya know what I meant. Maybe I meant the Ascetics or something...the people who completely give up/deny their base urges.
Yeah, I know what you mean. That's the beauty of philosophy, we can all dig up one that will suit our purposes. That is why HappyGiant is having a circular argument. He and his wife obviously have different philosophies of sex. One thing I admire about your wife is her ability to cobble together a homemade philosophy that suits her purposes from bits and pieces of 1960's Feminism and ancient Buddhist beliefs.
Happy Giant- Your wife has some bad anxiety issues regarding her weight/body image. Your common sense reaction to this would be to try and reassure her. However, this might be counter-productive because by reassuring her that her appearance doesn't matter by telling her that she looks beautiful to you, you are reinforcing her belief that her physical appearance is important in terms sexuality but just trying to convince her that she is wrong in her opinion about how attractive she really is. So, maybe you should accept her premise that she is unattractive and have a convo along the lines of:
HG: So you don't want to have sex because you believe you are unattractive.
W: That's right.
HG: Do you know any women who are less attractive than you?
W: Yes, of course.
HG: Do you think that these women don't have the right to enjoy sex because they are unattractive? Do you believe they should punish themselves by denying themselves sex until they have successfully lost 10,20,50 lbs. or gotten a nose job or had their wrinkles ironed out etc.
W: No, they have the right to enjoy sex. Besides, most women are attractive in their own special way.
HG: So, other unattractive women have the right to enjoy sex, but you don't? and other women who might be considered unattractive by conventional standards are attractive in their own special way and especially to those who love them, but you aren't?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Yeah, I know what you mean. That's the beauty of philosophy, we can all dig up one that will suit our purposes. That is why HappyGiant is having a circular argument. He and his wife obviously have different philosophies of sex. One thing I admire about your wife is her ability to cobble together a homemade philosophy that suits her purposes from bits and pieces of 1960's Feminism and ancient Buddhist beliefs.