This may seem like a short success story and that I’m extremely lucky (and I am) but looking back there was 2 years of depression and anger prior to this all. He also has been working out of state and is gone from the home 4-5 days a week since October 2001. that helped to give him his space, his replay of going to the bar w/o me knowing that he was out until 3-4am most nights (he just revealed this recently). Everything happens for a reason, and I’m sure there are other things that better I find out now when I’m stronger and able to than when they were going on. Here’s the timeline….
4/13/02 – bomb dropped wanted to move out, said he thought I was just as miserable (I was clueless!) and agreed to try and counseling – minimal calls while away and never asking about the kids
4/20/02 – counseling agreement & replay begins said he wanted to try and work things out, but needs space and time, we will take it day by day – he starts working on getting his Harley back on the road (it’s still not on the road)
Shortly after my life saving copy of Divorce Remedy arrived. We were talking a bit and I gave him time and space. No phone calls unless he called. Made lots of 180’s. Still no talk of the kids when he called.
5/18/02 - relapse went back into deep withdrawl and depression – no contact but one 5 minute phone call over 7 days but I kept cool and didn’t call. Let him have time requested time and space. No chasing.
5/23/02 – reality hurts he goes out to bar with buds out of state. Fight he tries to break up and he gets blamed for start. Punches fence a few times, screams at waitress friend who come to find out now was hoping for more and still asks about him to co-workers
5/24/02 – recommitment comes home and says he wasn’t honest about trying, wasn’t giving it his 100% try (like I didn’t realize and see that? But I just kept quiet) realized I was always there for him and wants to work things out. Sorry for the pain he caused.
It was about another week before he started asking about and talking to the kids on the phone. He has had one bad weekend where he was very distant. Says there is a lot else besides us going on in his head. We are going to counseling. I still keep up my 180’s as best I can and have slipped, but am getting stronger again. Can’t get “comfortable” ever again I think, always have to keep DB-ing.
I’m sure there will be ups and downs, but we are moving forward.
