Quote: I can't believe all night long you just sat there in that chair by me watching TV and never did anything. Didn't you have a hundred ideas running through your head? Wasn't there anything you wanted to do? I know you have more imagination than that... don't you have any fantasy's? I can't get in the mood when you just roll over here and say "hey it's time" - I need you to do something earlier to set the mood...
here's an idea for you. but first let me make sure I have this straight. She wants you to be more take charge, more "confident" but you're hesitant because after all the "no's" you're not sure what she wants and doesn't. Am I right?
So here is what you do. (First- let me say that while you were on the couch you were probably thinking this was nice, but she was probably thinking "he said he wanted sex- this would be the perfect time for his hand to slip under my shirt, but he's just sitting there....)
Ask her if she would mind a night of experimentation. No sex planned, just a one on one night where she can help you get to know her body, so when sex does happen, you can feel more in charge.
Then you do the...
do you like me to kiss you here? neck, ear, arm, back, navel.....
do you like when I rub you here.... or here.... or here....
does this feel good to you? harder, softer.....
Can I try a running a feather down your back, arm, leg, chest....? (have a feather ready)
Ask questions like if we're snuggling would you like me to put my hand on your back under your shirt?
When you tilt your head like this... is it a cue to kiss your ear?
Is there a cologne/ that turns you on? (FYI- vanilla smell is supposed to be a major aphroziac. burn vanilla scented candles. I have vanilla lotion and body spray!)
Do you get cold during sex? (H knows to turn the heat up a few degress to make me more comfortable)
Would you like me to say things like..... during the day? (for example, my H used to say "man, you're sexy when you dry off" after i got out of the shower-- that was him dropping a hint. If I felt I could be in the mood later, I'd give him a kiss thank you, or do a sexy pose, or whatever.... but if not, there'd be no real reaction. But maybe after a sexy phone call or email he might have changed my mood. then a foot rub, doing the dishes for me.... That would be a get lucky night for him )
Whatever......... see if she'll have a night of just that with you. Or even an hour.
then try for another hour for actual sexual preferences. Do you like this position, is this how or this??? Have you ever wanted to try being tied up, or some Kama Sutra positions, or toys......
Tell her that you understand that she doesn't want to SAY things to you, but you're having trouble reading her hints and cues during sex. When you do this.... does it mean it felt good keep going or stop you're ruining the mood?
Sometimes an "Ouw" and an "ahh" can sound the same.
)