last sex was several weeks ago - at that time, wife told me I needed to be more sure of my self and confident. of course, we know how it is being a HD person in a LD relationship where you have been told no 80% of the time for 17 years - how could anyone have confidence.
so, now she is pretty much telling me that she can't get in the mood unless I'm sure of myself.
So, I'm trying. This sunday I came to her early in the day and told her in no wishy washy way that I WANTED HER - and she seemed pretty happy with it... okay, so far so good. Then as the evening rolls around we're waiting for kids to go to bed and watching tv. She is snuggled up to me and I'm thinking things are progressing nicely. We go upstairs, she takes a bath and comes to the bedroom and locks the door - yep, everything is progressing nicely... she climbs in bed and I start to move toward her - BAMM - end of "everything going nicely" - she is totally no desire. Just laying there... I offer to rub her back, etc... she just gets more moody and distant. Pretty soon, I looks what "mood" I had and now we're just laying there. I so much want to just say F--- it and leave the room. But, I stay and try to get her to talk. And here is what she says...
I can't believe all night long you just sat there in that chair by me watching TV and never did anything. Didn't you have a hundred ideas running through your head? Wasn't there anything you wanted to do? I know you have more imagination than that... don't you have any fantasy's? I can't get in the mood when you just roll over here and say "hey it's time" - I need you to do something earlier to set the mood...
GEEZ - I guess that just goes to prove that anything that happens more than 48 hours ago should be forgotten (I'm still holding on to something she said in a fight a year ago - she said "I don't care if you have fantasy's - count me out - I have no desire to fullfill any of them... I like myself just the way I am and have no desire to change." )
So, we did end up having a good time after all the talking I got more confident and went for it... then afterwords we talked and she said that she needs me to be more inventive and open - YET... understanding that she is definately NOT as sexual as I am and I should not hit her with unrealistic goals. I explained to her that my sex drive goes in ups and downs so I am not always a sex nut.
Also, last comment - she thinks that if we communicate about sex or she tells me what she wants or likes then she is "giving me instructions - leading me by the hand" and that turns her off. So, instead I'm supposed to just DO IT - TAKE HER like a man and be ready for her to either like it or get pissed.
