how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RB, This is food for thought. I think because I do not think of my H as a liar or a cheater, that I just can't fathom how he could be lying or cheating, even for a minute. But the marriage vows part really hooks me every time. It seems like he does not remember that he is married, or that he made any vows, or what they were. This is one of the areas where I lose a lot of hope. For some reason, with my H, and his free-spirited independent vagabond side of his personality, I see him able to justify waffling out of his M to me like it isn't real or important, it just "changed" like the wind. Wandering away could be a typical choice - it's really up for grabs which way he will go - serial relationships and a travelling man lifestyle, or stabilizing and committing to a future. This is a place where my belief in our R is very "iffy". I am not sure he ever understood commitment the way I understand it. I think he wanted to. But I don't think he has an understanding of it the way I would need him to, (and surely doesn't exhibit that right now, although he valiantly tried when we decided to marry) and I am "iffy" about whether he ever will be able to. This worries me.

All of their actions are proving that their word is meaningless.

This part does give me hope somehow, though. It was a big conversation in our R, about keeping our word. It was a big part of personal development training for our early M, and a big complaint of mine during the past 1 1/2 years. He slowly began to ignore the importance of keeping his word, and the more I brought it up, the more underground he went. It was about promises to do things in the beginning, but obviously this eroded all the way culminating in the A. He and I both began to feel like I was his mother. That is not healthy, but no wonder we are where we are. So this is another reason, again, that he needs to find the importance of keeping his word, for himself. Me reminding him will NOT help.

So where am I - at the importance of keeping my word, and living a life that I will feel good about, with integrity and honor, and patience and compassion. Here again.

Thanks, RB