Hey PL...thanks for your post this morning, really turned a sour mood around for me! It's been tough dealing with bubbling memories with H gone, but I guess that's what this time is for!!
WOW....sounds like in many ways you've come far in your sitch. With that being said, you're experiencing what many of us here do; from time to time, you are on a roll with the PMA, detachment, etc and then you hit a wall of impatience when you come up for air. Then you have to get back at it again. I understand your fear of detaching to the point of totally letting go--I fear that too. You sound like you won't go that way. You're enjoying the moment with H. Good for you!
Go out there and enjoy yourself. Don't engage in anything that diverts you from your goals, but have some fun. Hang out with friends, take more walks and feel good. Remember, years ago, you had this vision of the woman you wanted to be? Think of her and go for it!
What helped me in detachment phase was NOT counting the baby steps. I know it's contradictory to other DB stuff, but when i did count it, I would go crazy, wondering when all these good little things were happening, why it couldn't go all the way. I also found I lost focus on ME. So, I stopped keeping count of H's baby steps, and just kept track of MINE. Have a vision of who you are, your values, your self and your detachment attitude....then, in your interactions, journal how YOU handled things, the little things YOU did different that are a change for you and pat yourself on the back. (Ex: when he came over, you didn't criticize, you smiled a lot, you worked as a team, you let him go happily after just 30 min without being sad). Before you know it, you'll come up for air and see big changes in H. It gets you refocused.
Anyway, it's my style, but not for everyone. Do what's best for YOU.
