Thanks for stopping by. I have tried to look over your thread pretty quick and hope to share without confusing. Sometimes this is not easy for me.
I think that your H could be mlc. Of course I tend to think that about almost anyone that drops the bomb on someone so special. There are a few things that tend to stand out with a MLCer. There are difficulties in making up your mind if he is or is not. If there is a speedometer for MLCers, or any measurement scale from 1 to 10 your H wouldn't rate at the top. He is not burning down Rome yet. That is good for you, but hard to confirm as mlc.
It sounds like he has obvious fertilizer to feed a mlc. But I missed a little about the seed. It is so often planted in the youth years. A poor relation with parent(s). Something that fosters low self esteem is what you look for. His actions of rescueing this OW to self medicate his low self esteem indicates he is there. As for OW, what MLCer would be caught dead without one?
Most of the MLCer behavior is a full 180 opposite from who you knew. That makes them hard to live with and impossible to use logic on. You mentioned the summer and fall last year as being rough and it fits nicely with the Denial and Anger stages that start mlc. You probably noticed you were walking on eggshells all through the fourth quarter. He would likely be in the Replay period now where he would spend most of his transition.
In Replay you would want to learn all you can about the cycling or recycling of earlier life issues. He would be at a time that he is stuck and can not move forward. They know something is wrong but not what. They struggle to find out what is wrong. They experience a great awkening of a sleeping ego the size of King Kong. This ego gets stroked by the Replay Affair. They feel good, like they haven't since the rush of first falling in love with you. Later they learn it was not love. He loves you.
The OW is not your worry. Here is why. If he is MLC she is only a symptom of his virus, like a fever blister that will go away in time. Trying to make him get rid of her is like telling him he does not have your permission to feel good. She is just a pound mut he is saving off the street. Of course you want him to feel good around you. He will to the extent he can. But being around you and knowing he is doing wrong makes him guilty. The MLCer does not intend to feel guilty. Not at all.
They will totally disconnect from any friend, relative, or other person who tells them they are being stupind and ruining their lives along with everyone around them. The best way to see if he is mlc is to get him mom or dad to do this. If he stops speaking to them you have a good clue. But don't do that.
What you do provide him with is the incredible measure of patience you are showing, and the DB practices you are mastering. This is why you see all the DB baby steps and he is so comfortable around you. The MLCer wants to be friends, and needs you to be a friend, without pursuing them or making them feel guilty. They will not stand for being backed into a corner with an ultimatum. They will cut you off.
Remember I am ONLY talking mlc here because that is what I have read the most and observed. But almost all DB works the same on a WAH as mlc. The difference is a lot of the time the MLCer is not home, and their 180 opposite twin alien is in control.
You did say he was troubled with work career worries and that is normal feed for the seed. HIs interest in relations from his native county are not so uncommon. Don't know why, but would guess that is the last place he thought he was happy and part of this is him looking for his happiness. His real happiness has been put aside and covered up. He is looking for that great euphoric happiness he is now afraid to live without. It is a fantasy and he will not find it. He will come to learn what true love is again and it will not be OW. Even if he left and M her in his old country, it will not feel right by the end of the ceremony. That is not his answer. His answer is to give this process the time that mother nature requires for him to resolve his issues himself. They all say they need time and space. Why? It is not a commercial on tv. Whey do they all feel the need to say this? Because they all feel the need in such an overwhelming way, and don't understand it. They are drawn to it like a moth. To move forward, they do have to give in to it. His time in the transition will be affected by how much he resists, and how much you hold him back. The quickest way to help him is to give him that time and space to find himself, while being his friend. If you want to be his friend, put on those sexy little overalls the next time you go to deliver him a surprise snack at his shop and don't expect anything in return but a smile. Then tell him how nice his smile is. Stroke that King Kong ego with no expectations.
Then go hme and plant a lot of Patience in your garden, as we all need a lot of that during our mlc.
