how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Well H called me tonight, and it was such a cheery and fun conversation. I am beginning to see my best friend over there again. It is so nice. My H never drinks, and hardly ever socializes, but tonight he went out with a friend and some of his friend's buddies and he had a beer. Hilarious story about walking back to his shop along the train tracks a few hours prior to our call, 6' 4" guy, high as a kite on one beer. I choose not to worry about him. He loved my gift, which he found in the shop this morning, reported on it to me right away. I wrapped it in the funny papers from last Sunday which he had missed 'cuz we had all been working so hard, so I got the low down on the best funnies too. Lots and lots of laughter, even with a fair amount of business stuff we have to manage within the next two weeks thrown into the mix, still a fun call. He laughed a lot at my jokes and perceptions and stories too. I guess I am doing OK

I bowed out of the garage cleaning plans this weekend, as my arm is somewhat injured this week from the lifting we did last week, followed by too much yoga.

But he will come over on Sunday for a late brunch with me, and to talk about finances and make the plans for the next two weeks, which are excruciatingly intense. We have tenants moving out of our house, new ones moving in, my new term of school is starting, special event for D on the first weekend and D is graduating 2nd weekend, and her house must be vacated by the end of that week also. Plus a second round of adjustments on the house per the city inspectors. Also mother and relatives are coming. Phew! All of this will occur between May 12 and 25 and I am supposed to be working at my job? I think I will need to take a few days off to pull this off. Anyway, we will discuss on Sunday what each of us can do. I am grateful, more than I can say, that he is hanging in for all this. After May, we will be free from many responsibilities, and it will be interesting to see what happens to our R then.

I am worried about one thing though. I need to talk to H about the finances. Originally, H was only going to pay towards the household expenses until February. I told him that wouldn't work, that he needed to continue to pay at least until D's house is sold (which is happening this month.) However, now I am feeling that he should continue to pay as long as we remain married. I am thinking that his office is still in our home, his truck and health insurance are covered through the household expenses (bills I pay) and he made a promise that I could get a new car this year since he got one first (2004) and mine is 20 years old with almost 200,000 miles. I realize that he doesn't "have to" continue to do that, he doesn't have to do anything. But for me, it would allow us to continue to move forward on the home improvements we were in the middle of, put some money back in an account which he owes to his parents, and move me towards that new car later this year. I am nervous though. because, his contributions feel like a symbol of his continuing commitment to staying married, his consideration to possibly return. I want him to say yes he will continue to pay in, but I do not know what I will do if he says no. I do not want to tell him to take all his things so I can rent the office as a room. I don't want to proceed with a D and take him off my medical/dental plan. But if he chooses not to continue to pay into the household, my lifestyle will certainly be affected. I can't say that it's more fair though for him to continue to do it, though. For me, it's the difference between having shared finances and financial plans (which we still discuss together - everything), or spliting up for real.

Anyone have words of wisdom on this? Or is this just a wait and see what he says thing? I can accept either outcome, but one will give me a lot more hope than the other.