PL I generally think that advice based on personal experience is so-so at best, but I wanted to offer this, becuase our sitches are starting to look uncannily alike: twice when H has said "if you want to" about a joint activity, it has been a total disaster. I see now that he was unable to just say "no, I want to go on business trip alone even though it's your birthday and S2's birthday." He knows he would have looked like an A$$. So, instead, he put the decision on me, and since I can always rally for a good time, I thought he could too. Really, some of the worst damage to our R was done during that birthday trip. He has done it another time as well, and now I've learned.
Just remember this - a common MLC thing is for H's to make thier spouses push them away so they don't have to feel bad about it.
My H doesn't remember that he was short tempered and mean and didn't even say happy birthday to me one time this year - he only remembers a horrible trip and thinks of it as a reason why we can't stay married. So, step cautiously around your H if you show this weekend. I do hear your thoughts about showing him how helpful and capable you are, and I hope I am wrong if you do go. I just couldn't help but put up another warning flag for you. I wish I'd been able to heed mine.
Are you going to see him again before you have to decide? Since we can't believe anything we hear, maybe you could judge by his body language and actions about whether he really wants company, or just wants to work (and maybe work some things out in his head - that seems to be how most men do think best in my experience.)
