Quote: I do my best to get my emotional needs met elsewhere and in other ways, but I am concerned I will "run out of gas" since there are only little bits from him to work with. It is tiring, draining, to be so thoughtful of every action I make, every thing I say, and to be so analytical of everything that is transpiring so that I can figure out what to do or say at that next short encounter.
First, great to hear you sound SO good. Now, this idea of being tired of all this is a toxic one. I am going through that right now too. Our sitches are different so my experience today does not necessarily correspond to yours except that I can tell you to do whatever it takes to keep your emotional stamina up. I have seen over the course of the last few weeks, as my W supposedly moves back towards me, that I could be seriously derailed by my fatigue and throw away all my hard work and dedication to this process because of it. Sometimes I just want to quit even though I know I would regret that decision for the rest of my life.
Here's the thing. You will never REALLY KNOW his motives are pure and that he will be able to offer/provide you what you need. All you will know is that he's committed to trying, same as you have. Maybe his trying is not the same as yours but as we have learned through all this, people do things differently but not necessarily better or worse. Try to see whatever positive actions he takes and build on those. Don't start putting expectations on things now just because you're in a good enough place to do so.
