how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RB, Thanks so much for checking in with me. I am sure you are both right:

I'm with Erin -- DON'T do the R talk.

I won't initiate anything. But, I
suppose it is possible that he will want to have a R talk with me at some point since he mentioned it on the phone. And I am hearing you say that not much of what he says will stick from one day to the next anyway. So, I am thinking I should prepare for anything, so I won't react - right? Like, what if he says, "I'm moving to Germany, have a great life" ? Or, "I want to move back in with you, and be your friend and business partner and stay married, but keep OW on the side indefinitely"? Or, "I know what you're like and you'll never change" which for some reason really ticks me off (and I know he thinks that - and he said it too, to my D) I am unprepared for most of the bad and awful things that he could easily say. The only one I really know how I will respond well to, is "I love you, will you forgive me?" And I'm not expecting that talk any time soon.

So, even if I don't initiate an R talk, should I avoid one? That would be weird. Seems like if he ever opens up, I should be a good listener. So what do I say to things like those possibilities above? "OK", "that makes sense", "I'm sure you're right?" Holy moly!

You're an angel for seeing me as a patient person. That gives me hope. Patience has never been my strong suit, I am a feisty over achiever. Hold me down.

But honestly, there is a part of me that can also be very grounded. Particularly in times of crisis, I slow way down, becoming careful and methodical. It is a zen experience to be DBing, right? A crisis can be a transformative experience, a spiritual awakening, a gift from God.

Must make lemonade from the lemons - or at least see that lemonade is possible. And meanwhile, one day (or one lemon) at a time.

This gave me hope:

As for whether or not he's making progress, keep in mind that sometimes progress isn't linear and can come in large chunks.

It has mostly felt like 2 steps forward, 1 3/4 steps back. But nonetheless, that's progress, isn't it? I will keep my eye out for some big chunks, though. Maybe that is my impatience talking, my straight line linear drive thinking. In fact, I am sure you are right - progress is occuring, perceptibly. Maybe even some chunks. I will keep writing it down, so as not to fool my self with my impatience. I need to set some new baby step goals to look for. Believe it or not, most of the last group I wrote down have occured! I guess that is progress!

BTW, went to church today as I did last week. Helped me SO much. I have been listening to gospel music all day, which I purchased there. I will be making an appointment to see the minister this week also. I want spiritual guidance and alignment to support this journey. Thank you as always for your good advice and prayers.