how do you deal with this?

[RBinBR]

Anyway, I discovered that they are in a pattern of approximately 18 contacts per day (either phone or text message). Think about that - that is one for every waking hour and then some.

My W was on her cell phone for over 7000 hours in January, in addition to 180 text messages. Now, she does use her phone a fair amount for work, but 4 hours a day plus 5 texts a day was an incredible amount.

When this looks so much (or perhaps exactly) like these other addiction patterns, why is it suggested to leave the person alone to figure it out for themselves in their own time? It is so counter-intuitive based on what I know about other addictions, I just had to ask.

I think the reason is that most people can accept that drug or alcohol or even gambling addictions are destructive and harmful. An affair, though, can simply be viewed as an alternate path -- one that could lead to true happiness with one's "soulmate." The WAS does not believe that he/she HAS a problem; he/she believes that he is ESCAPING a problem marriage. In the WAS mind, the marriage is destructive, not the affair. In my opinion, that's why an intervention wouldn't usually work.