how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Hello Grasshopper (have I told you that I love your pen name? did you adopt it from Kung Fu?)

I wanted to thank you for your thoughtful post yesterday. I have thought on it quite a bit. Detachment, yes. One of my life lessons, that I seem to need to get over and over again. Lovingly detached is my goal. For me, this is life work. So I have been very attached, or at least for certain that was the case yesterday. Today was an improvement. Got through the day at work successfully and laughed a fair amount (a usual mainstay). Tonight I had a wonderful 70 minute phone call (while walking on my treadmill) with a very great and supportive long-time friend. He reminded me of things I know but occasionally forget: that I have a remarkable and amazing life, that I am truly blessed and watched over, that I am never alone, and that the universal God has always had my best interests at heart and still does. I am on a divine journey. Who can remain attached with that knowledge? It is only when I forget that I get obsessive and attached in my efforts to control the outcomes of my life, rather than trusting them. So, tonight, I am back in the presence of unconditional love and transformation. And I want to thank you for being my partner and planting that seed in your post.

Of course, I would rather travel this journey with my husband than without him. But I can not decide what is best for him - I do not get to choose his path for him. What there is for me to do is love him, love myself and my life, trust, and be patient.

Thanks for hanging in with me. I may need you, especially if I forget again :-) You are one of the wise angels here.

I liked your suggestion that I make a "short list". I am usually so comprehensive and thorough when I take something on, that sometimes I overdo as well as over analyze. It is a coping mechanism as I am seeking balance with all of the wildly swinging emotions. But balance is the key.

So the next two weeks, these are my behavioral goals:

Be patient, kind, and loving
Do not pursue, but respond with love
Be cute and fun and playful
Be generous, compassionate and understanding
Listen more, speak less
Speak softly and kindly when I do speak
Remember I am loved, always
Lovingly detach [it is about who I BE, not about creating an intended outcome]
Set times to get together on my schedule, not his, and be unavailable 50 % of the time

If I can be those for the next week, that would be something.

I'll let you know how it goes! Tomorrow night my H is coming over for dinner.