Amazing. Simply amazing. What a list! How can one top that!? I'm glad you were able to journal that here, PL...I can tell that it was at the very least cathartic for you!

In your anecdote, you mentioned that he let out a knowing chuckle at the fact that 2-months was about all your daughter could do with respect to her LDR. You noted that it had been two months since he last saw the OW. But did you notice that a few paragraphs later you mentioned the disbelief that he has been gone for two months (I assume you mean your separation).

Now this is interesting. You let your entire day crash around you (understandable, don't get me wrong hon!) on the assumption that he went all dreamy on you. But have you even once considered that his life for the last two months, living in a rented apartment, not having the luxuries of a stable, peaceful home, one that you provided for so long? Could it be even remotely possible that he was empathizing with both your daughter and your SHARED experience? What if he was actually trying to make a friendly, albeit obscure, gesture of peacemaking by having an understanding chuckle over your two months separation, and it is all that he can take? He may be infatuated over this woman, but I don't know any man who has had a good home who, after losing it, doesn't miss it in a very visceral way.

It took me MONTHS to adjust to my wife leaving for her year apart, and even then my habits were nothing short of college dormitory living and I would have traded that for anything. Honestly, it wasn't until I realized that my self-worth and healthy living was being dictated by the health of my marriage, and not by me, that I started to change my ways and develop better habits...cooking even! But guess what? That didn't start until she got home 15 months later!! haha

I completely associate with your immediate skepticism and 'think the worst' reaction. I can't possibly say that he DIDN'T mean her when he laughed. But goodness knows it's a whole lot better to 'act as if' it was intended for you Even if you are lying to yourself, maybe look at it that way and have a better day!

You are definitely living a full life. I'm very proud to know you in this small way, PL. You sound to be a highly successful person who has surrounded herself with friends, family and colleagues that are a timely support network that you sorely need. You remind me much about my Mom when she went through her divorce--so much strength, so much integrity of character, purity...you are a resounding example to everyone around you who must just stand back in awe at what you are facing and the pride and strength of which you face it. If there were more people in this world like you (and my Mom--yes, I'm a proud Mama's Boy through and through ) this world would be a healthier and happier place for sure.

I want those goals for you, my friend. I sincerely do. They are certainly comprehensive, but as you can surely tell, I'm a verbose individual so you can imagine my own journals which are chock full with just as much!!! One criticism, if I may be so bold (constructive only, promise!)...I only saw one example..the first of your "baby steps" list. (and perhaps the last) In the first you said, "This week". Putting a timeline on this sort of thing can be dangerous because it sets him up to fail. Same for the one about calling from Germany. And if he doesn't? Will this be a tailspin? a backslide? Avoid setting him up to fail--this will help you detach from the results of these goals as they can be met at any time in the future--all you have to have then is patience to wait.

That's all I'd say on that...all the rest is awesome. I'd like to share my favorite:

Quote:

My H & I will discuss what happened, the areas where we were not "in integrity" and state our forgiveness to each other.




SO IMPORTANT. This resonated so much with me. I'm the communicator of my marriage. If I didn't bring up some of the issues/criticisms/complaints, things would NEVER get talked about and it would not open her floodgates to air out HER feelings on matters. It took a near disastrous marriage for me to realize and accept that my wife is a terrible communicator. I think she is finally beginning to realize this herself as we all cling to those funky caricatures of life where the man is always withdrawn and hates to talk and the woman blabs incessantly for hours about her feelings. Not so between us!!

My wife and I are finally starting to speak objectively about what we've been through in such a way that IS forgiving and safe. It is SO REFRESHING. Forgiveness is so needed after all is said and done. As you know a bit about my sitch, you know that right now I'm having a really hard time dealing with the 'resentment' stage as now we have started to reconcile and I'm beginning to have a chance to feel the hurt, rather than play through the pain out of necessity to save the marriage. You will find that without that needed forgiveness, it will feel like despair.

So that is one of the BEST goals to work for and provide. It starts with you. You have what it takes and you know exactly how to get there. Now all you need is a hug, a pat on the back, and friends to pick you up when you stumble.

We're here for you...

Tu buen amigo, Mr. MD.

PS. Dearest friend, please excuse me if I don't check in for the next couple weeks as I am away on business without i-net access. Could be worse, I'm going to Orlando for training...heck yeh, 80 degrees and a poolside resort two miles from the Magic Kingdom? And I'm getting paid for this??? hahaha....If I don't get back until then, I'll catch you on the flip, okay sweets?? HANG IN THERE...I'm pulling for you so much!!!


My story here!