how do you deal with this?

[RBinBR]

Let me ask: what useful purpose would it play for you to translate these emails? Won't they just make you sick? You're freaking out now without even knowing what they say. I can promise you that they will contain intimate details that you will not be able to get out of your head and will only torture you more.

Why would you mention to him that you found anything? What useful purpose could it possibly serve to let him know that you snooped? If you want him back, then making him furious with you isn't going to help.

But I admit I am going crazy here wondering if he really is the wonderful man I married, or a bold-faced manipulative liar with no conscience.

An A can turn a normally honest person into a liar faster than anything. All of us on this board were lied to by our S's. It's the same thing that will turn a drug addict into a thief to get money for drugs. The addiction takes precedence over normal morals.

BTW, are you keeping up with Erin's sitch? Her H is also leaving soon to visit an OW in Germany.