how do you deal with this?

[PositivelyListening]

Hi RBinBR,

Thanks so much for reading my post and writing to me. I have been thinking and thinking about what you said:

As long as you are loving without expectation, I don't think you have to worry about little things seeming like pursuing. He knows that he will have to end the A before he can move back in with you and have a normal marriage again.

I am not at all sure that I am loving with out expectation. I do not know how to do that. I expect him to respond to me, or to love me back, and when he does not, I get dissapointed although I don't show dissapointment to him. So that is pursuing behavior? In the past, I have walked away from relationships and never looked back (not marriages, but relationships). In every instance, the guy I was dating figured out later that I was pretty great and wanted to warm it up again. But in the past, when I was done, I was DONE. So, I have purposely and specifically decided that I will not precipitiously end my marriage. Because I believe he will regret leaving me and want me back. And I love him, and I believe in our marriage. I behave as if I am detached. But inside, I am very very attached to our marriage and committed to our partnership. And I love him. So what the hell, how hard is this? Do I need to walk away and completely let go, so he can find out that he misses me? I'm afraid if I do that he will be gone from my heart forever. If I really let him go. So how do I hold him there and let him go at the same time? I am not sure I have this down yet.

Thanks for any insights you have.