how do you deal with this?

[RBinBR]

PL, I know it must be almost unbearable to wait for your H to leave to go be with OW. You are being remarkably patient and are handling this extremely well.

I wanted him to have recent memories of how cute and fun I am, before he is hanging out for a romantic tryst with the OW. Am I going about this in the wrong way?

I don't know. I did the same thing, and actually, on Feb 3, ML to my W the day before she went to move the OM into her apartment -- the only time we have ML since I kicked her out Jan 8. I don't regret it, because I know it confused her and probably took away a lot of the joy of moving him in with her. I made sure that she knew that it was without expectations, though.

I will say that I don't think you are going to be able to stop him from going, and you certainly shouldn't try.

But sometimes I am afraid that I should be more removed - I am afraid that my behavior might feel like pursuing.

You've kicked him out and are living separated from him by your choice. As long as you are loving without expectation, I don't think you have to worry about little things seeming like pursuing. He knows that he will have to end the A before he can move back in with you and have a normal marriage again.

On the other hand, you could decide to "go dark" with him for a while. It did me a lot of good to not talk to my W for three weeks, and she got tired of the OM to an extent during that time. It's a risky move, though.