Somehow you need to step out of the loop you're currently in: you've got to stop the cycle. It's destructive to any hope of positive reconcilliation.
Follow the solid advice others have given you and help your W change her focus by showing--show her by your sincere actions and changes: forget the round and round loop you're in right now--round and round trying to figure things out, etc. Stop the ride--show her you've changed--back off and let some mystery happen. Make her wonder what you're up to when she sees any little change--make her inquisitive instead of telling her everything--make her wonder by letting her glimpse some small miracles/altered behavior on your part.
