Doing ok today. I'm re-thinkng last nites activities. The worst part was D10 losing it. That always tears me apart. The best part was that it was obvious W was scared I was moving on.
And the issues later where she had low self esteem and kept making the connections between her positive choices in life, and how I enabled them to happen. I mean if you think about it, the ONLY things she talked about were things she had done or was doing now, and how I had made them possible. I think partly frm thinking that she couldn't 'do anything' without my help, and partly from appreciating that she could do the things she has done and even IS doing now because of my help.
Being a stay at home mom, having her current business, and right now just having a place to live while she DIVORCES me. And I felt good because I didn't gloat, and instead found something positive to say to her pointing out what SHE did with those activities. SHE was a great stay at home mom, SHE is the one doing the hard work in the business, SHE is living here because she made a deal with me. She is in control of her destiny.
I provide the support a good partner would provide. If she doesn't realize that THIS is what LOVE is then she is insane.
Tonite I saw her in passing a few times. I made a fire in the fireplace because I felt like it. Then I didn't hang around.
I so much want to get into a conversation with her when she is in a happy mood but I kept it short, and left her alone.
I can feel her uncomfortableness. She doesn't know what to make of me. BUT I always smile, and I always find at least ONE thing to complement her on - then I go away. So she can't think I am 'mad' at her.
Tuesday I see counselor. Time to find out what to do now. But, I'm going to be ok. I hate being detached, especially when she is pleasant to be around. BUT I do know I have to give her what she has asked for. Or "She won't learn nothin'".
I do so hope she doesn't have to move out. But I'm prepared. One of my friend said she'll probably try out the 'intimacy' thing again, just because she's not getting any needs met by me and will want to pull at me. If she does, this time I will be prepared to let it slide off me and not get into my head. We'll see. Today I am hopeful.
