Becca had suggested I get a new bedcover and sheets for the master bedroom, which is my bedroom. She even picked some out that I would like on the Bed, Bath and Beyond website bed stuff here (Thanks Becca!) and I went to the store and got them. I found the comforter but had to ASK a woman there for help picking out the right sheets so they would look right. Also got the fancy pillows and stuff.
Came home later this evening and brought the stuff in and went in the bedroom, closed the door and put the bed together with the new stuff.
W saw me bring the stuff in, but didn't say anything. I just smiled as I walked by her and said nothing.
About 20 minutes later she came to the door and knocked. I said 'who is it?' she says 'me' and I said 'what's up?' and she said 'can I come in?' so I said 'sure'.
She came in and said 'Oh that looks really nice'. I said 'yeah, I got tired of the same old stuff.'
Then D10 came in and saw the bed. The material is a suede so it's soft and she jumped on the bed and admired it. Then, she said "But I wish there were two people to sleep in it Dad" and started to cry. I didn't anticipate that.
I put my arm around her and said 'let's go into your room since this room makes you sad'. I sat with her while she told me she didn't want a divorce. And I told her that it's ok, this is just a part of our life now and held her. W stood around trying to be busy. I looked at W and she looked guilty and didn't want to be there.
Eventually all was ok, I left with D10 and her boyfriend to take him home but I was PISSED. I was pissed because I didn't exepect D10's reaction - I was hoping for lot's of "look at dad's new bed!" and excitement - to create a little envy in W. Instead I got hurt and sadness for D10 which I didn't want to do to her.
So after dropping off BF, D10 wanted to go for a ride and asked me why I seemed so mad. I told her about D10 and how much it hurts me to see her like this. She says "Well she has to get over it" and "It would be easier if we knew what was going on".
I said "do you mean when will we break up the house?" and she said "NO, whether or not you are actually going to get a divorce." So I said why wouldn't you think we were going to?"
She said "because last time you guys took it to the end and then backed out". "Because mom isn't moving out like she said she is and you are holding on to her and helping her all the time." I really wish you would let her go so she can do what she wants to do with her life. So she can find out how to make it on her own.".
D10 says: "When we talk she talks like a teenager about everything, like it's all so simple to do. Just let her go Dad and move on with your life. Don't just linger, then tell us you're "getting back together". I dont want to live through any more years of you two not getting along. You shouldn't be together. You're not happy"
I explained that I had already fixed my issues and so if we were together it would be diferent. and she said "Dad, it wouldn't work because Mom has to find heself, and fix her crap." "I don't want you guys to ever be together. It'll be better for all of us. Just let her go, she won't go on her own.
She sees you as her Best Friend. You've been protecting her forever. I see you do it all the time. You gotta stop that and let her go find out how hard life can be. She's never been a grownup, my mom is a teenager still.
I mentioned that she seemed unhappy tonite and D15 says "Well yeah, what you did makes her think you're serious about living your own life and that scares her because she may be forced to move out".
Very upset it is taking too long. She want's it 'over' and never to be fixed.
So I got home, D10 went to her room to do homework. I 'ran into' W in the kitchen. Asked her if she liked my new bedding. She said it was 'very nice'. I told her I needed help buying sheets and she thought it was funny I asked for help.
Thenwe got onto the topic of money. She can't make her $500 credit payment and I had suggested she use some of our home equity line to lower the balance. She originally didn't want to, but tonite she asked me for $1000 so she could pay down the balance some. I said 'no problem'.
Then she quietly started to talk about how hard it has beem to get started, how she barely pays her office rent and she should have started years ago. And I wouldn't be doing it now if it weren't for you helping me.
So, I asked her "Do you think I did anything to stop you? I always wanted you to do whatever made you happy." She said 'no, you never have stopped me from doing anything. I just wanted to be a good mom and stay at home with the kids.'
So I told her I was glad she did that because it helped our kids become as well rounded and stable as they are. She said 'well it was you who made it possible'.
I said 'maybe, but you did the work and I'm proud of our kids." She said 'me too'.
So, when we were married she wanted to do something like this but didn't because she wanted to be home with the kids which I MADE POSSIBLE.
Now, she starts a business but she couldn't except she lives here for free, which I MAKE POSSIBLE
What do I do? When you're married you DO THINGS for each other. I make money. Period. She takes care of the kids. She certainly deserves her own opportunities to try her own businesses and I SHOULD support her financially. She work 15 years for room an board basically, well, and love too. That's marriage. THAT'S LOVE.
I had mentioned I needed to transfer some funds from our line of credit to checkig to pay taxes. She had told me she needed $500 to pay her credit card bill a few days ago and I suggested she take a couple grand from the line, and pay down the priniciple. It would be cheaper.
She doesn't see that money as 'hers' because I pay the mortgage and LOC bills. But I told her it was an asset and she owned half our assets. She said no, she shound't do it.
But tonite she asked me to transfer the amount she and I had discussed. It looks like she is not making ends meet. I'm going to transfer enough to do 3 principle payments.
To try to help, I mentioned that she should use our joint account when buying gas, since she drives the kids all the time. She said "no, the least I can do is buy gas since I don't pay ANYTHING to live here or contribute anything. She was pretty down.
So, she has told our D15 that I am her 'Best Friend'. D15 sees how W leans on me when she is down and doesn't see why she wants a divorce if she isn't going to let me go. D15 thinks I should let her go, kick her out of the nest and never get together again because we are 'bad' for each other. Great kid.
Well, that's my story. Detachment - Day 4. Looking serious now.
