Quote: Is your wife (the woman she is right now) a woman of "quality?"
I think she is. She doesn't want to hurt anyone but she doesn't want to be married. She takes care of the kids and never says anything mean or disparaging to me. She looks to me to be her 'best friend'. It's all hard to believe.
BUT, I guess I would also have to say that her behavior re: OM, where she pretty much ignored any feelings for our kids and of course me, was not an indicator of a quality person. I also feel that she is still in that 'numb' place.
So, her 'humanity' is intact. Her selfishness is stronger than it has been in the past.
Quote: would you say "that's the one for me?" I don't think you would. So, all you can do is quit fighting for that woman. What you are saying by doing that is "this is the best I deserve."
Yeah. I think another way to put it is 'could I trust her not to do this again?'. My counselor calls it 'running off to join the circus'. She has to get it out of her system and she will either 1) get it out, and see what kind of man she left or 2) meet a very nice man who is similar to me in some ways but fulfills needs that I just can't do.
She can't stay 'out there' forever. She's eventually going to land somewhere. AmyC keeps saying over and over how similar W is to her sitch. And Amy landed ready to go home. I need faith.
Quote: You said A. She is a special woman to everyone she touches. B. She has nowhere to go, no friends that you know of to stay with.
Now, I live in the real world, so I know that it isn't easy for a middle-aged woman to find a place to live--after all, most people our age have their own lives going on. However, I do think it would be a lot easier for a woman as special as you describe.
most of her 'single' friends live anhour drive away so it wouldn't be practical. Everyone else is married with kids. It would be very awkward for them.
Quote: Frank, are you guilty of looking at your W through rose-colored glasses?
Somewhat. I see her flaws, and I see her goodness. And even SHE admits there is a deep connection between us. That's hard to ignore.
Quote: After all, if you change your mind later on, you still have that safety net. You don't even have to worry about what will happen in the future. All you see are two positives: 1. I will move on without my H and be happy 2. I will pick up where I left off with my H, no harm done.
Yeah, and I know for a fact she has a lot of fear of being 'on her own'. Bet she also has a lot of determination to do it. I think that was what really ended our 'intimacy week' a month ago - the fear that she would not pursue that goal, that she would stay with me instead. It seems really important to her and she has turned off her feelings for me.
And yes, I know I need to let her go. It is a struggle. One day at a time.
