Life goes forward

[BeingMe]

Yes, it is what it is, and now you know, but I wonder if your W really knows what she wants. It sounds, to me, like she has talked herself into what she thinks she wants. How can anyone with integrity, and a true sense of self imagine that they can take what they want from people (read 'relationships'), and there not be any kind of consequence. Where there is taking, there should also be giving, otherwise that person is just being selfish. I take it that your W is not in her 'salad' years, so she can't possibly think there is more out there. We only get out of a R, what we put into it. You know your W best! What are her core values? People rarely stray away from them, for too long.

I think, perhaps, your W has just forgotten the feelings she had when you met, courted, and got married. Vows are taken with people we love deeply, and are meant to be with, who we intend having a family with, and sharing the responsibilities that goes with that. Your W speaks of wanting to be whole, but one of the things of being a whole person, is to be able to look at the whole picture of one's life, not just the inward journey, but the choices we make and the consequences they have on the people (especially our children - the next generation) around us. Perhaps, she fears she has somehow missed something in life - some of us go through that at a certain age. I did, but it was more a mid-life transition for me, than a crisis.

Not sure if I'm making sense here. I do think you are doing the right thing by detaching, acting 'as if' you are getting a D (it is sad, but no-one has died, and it's not the end of the world), embrace your future with a positive attitude. Life does go on, and who knows what might be waiting for you just around the corner.

I was at this point (detached and looking to the future without H), by the way, when my H decided that he did love me, after all, and wanted to remain in the M. I was almost disappointed since I had huge plans for my future, when single, and had to rethink everything. I hope your W (and all other WAS's on this board) come to their senses before it's too late, and we LBS's have moved too far down the road of detachment to come back. Hope whatever happens, works out for you.