ok, now I'm back to a grounded place. I went for a fast power walk and thought things out. If she was going to push the divorce she'd be acting really weird - nervous or uncomfortable - because that would mean she would have to assert herself to ME. If anything, that would be the hardest thing for her to do. Standing up to Frank is like the 'holy grail' of her Assertiveness 'training'. It isn't that I'm threatening, it's that I have a strong presence when I'm not emotionally destroying myself.
I also got in touch with the 'wild man' inside and pulled as much energy as I could from that place inside us - us men - where we are alpha and primal. So when she came home from her massages I was 'better'. I needed to rant earlier and now I am mostly grounded.
So she came home around 9, D10 was in bed and I was putting away my laundry. She walked to D10's room across the hall and said goodnite, then walked across the hall and stood in my door, looking tired and a little needy. She said she had done 5 massages today and was beat.
I walked over towards her to stand in front of her and I told her how sad I was for her being so beat. She looked at me with her sad face and said 'ok, hug'. Then she hugged me tightly and I hugged her. Once again she needed my energy. It was nice and I felt good until it ended, then I felt like it was just another 'taking' from me. Very little in return.
She told me that she has been attracting some weird people to her space at the Salon. One guy was into crystals and energy cleansing her room. Another guy is an accupuncturist who also wants to trade massages with her, as the technique he uses is from the only other instructor of the Hawaiian massage. But he had been hoping for referrals to his acupuncture business. But he is a competitor so why would she do that? She is smarter than that.
So, I'm a little twinged with uneasyness about her meeting men who are 'in the business'. After all, that is her dream. To have a relatioship with a man who is in the same business so they can work together.
But I guess these are also life lessons. Learning about the different types of men out there. Most massage guys I've met are a little odd.
Both said they were 'drawn to her by their spirit guides'. Right, hey bob, why don't you go to this salon and check out the new massage therapist!
Well, we wnet to bed early. She said "Good Nite, Sweet Dreams". still using her distant but pleasant tone of voice.
