Came home, boy my anxiety level is through the roof. i'm waiting for her to give some kind of indication that she is 'done'. As I walk into the kitchen she has her back to me and I THINK I hear her say 'hello sweetie'. I may have misunderstood her but 'hello sweetie' and 'hello frank' do not sound the same.
Then she talks to me, but she is in the same disconnected, 'matter-of-fact' mode as she has been in all week. She tells me D15 has maybe broke up with her boyfriend, and so we're expecting drama around the house tonite.
She say that she got an e-mail from another old high school friend asking about her. So far she has gotten mail from two previous boyfriends. Both are happily married and have kids. One of them, the one who was just before she met me and who she was infatuated with way back then, just renewed their marriage vows. Of course she probably had to tell them that her marriage is over I'm sure.
The recent one though was someone she dated when she was 15 and she said he gave her a ring, asked her to marry him. (Note that our daughter is 15 as she observed) She said she didn't date him long and of course gave the ring he gave her back.
So, I said "Of course, you were holding out" (for me) She said: "Well you had to get me knocked up though" (what? to keep her? She was infatuated with me then) I said: "Nah you wanted me back then" she gets a look on her face of "I don't know what to say" and there is a silence.
I don't recall what I said next but the topic was changed.
I mentioned a few old firend I had heard from over the past year. One couple she had met and she asked me if they were 'still together'. I said 'of course they are'. Weird question to ask.
She kept her tone of voice, the 'distant, detached, you're just a guy I know' voice.
I told her I was a bit stressed with the work I'm doing, which is my 'cover story' for when I am having anxiety about her and I.
No hugs, no touching, no nothing. She got ready to go and went to do some massages. Said bye and walked out the door.
I have no idea what Counselor and her talked about, but she probably got some kind of 'clarity'. I know C would stay on whatever topic W would talk about so if she was in her 'frustration with life' mode she may not have said anything about divorce and moving forward. She may have given her ideas on how to keep herself balanced. I dunno.
Either way, I have been anxious, expecting the worst. It seems like every day she is more and more disconnected. Ready to go on with her life without me. So who knows what she is thinking. I won't see counselor till tuesday to get a clue as to what's happening. Right now I am a case.
