Life goes forward

[OneWish]

I'm sorry and I know I will likely be in the minority on this one but I think she needs to be shown the door. I DO think she will return, though, once she realizes what she has done. You're enabling her to stay in her fantasy world where all would be perfect if she just had a divorce. BS!!!! Show her what's on the other side of the door. It ain't pretty and she'll learn to appreciate you in such a way that she never forgets. I'd bet on it.

Frank,

I agree with Amy. By showing your wife the door, she will have a quick reality check and will re-consider her position. She is too comfortable in her fantasy world. It seems like she is using you to satisfy her needs. When she wants to make love, she gets it. When she wants to go to the family restaurant, she gets it. When she wants to watch TV shows with you, she gets it. I am not sure if you funded her massage trip or not. It seems as though she is emotionally draining you because she sees the strength in you. I think my wife is doing the same thing. Every time she sees me happy, confident, strong, and doing well, she pushes my buttons to bring me down to her level of guilt and pity. I need to stop reacting, bite my tongue, and just leave. I don’t have time for this!

For now I am going to distance and she can feel the aloneness. I really hate this and I want it to be over. But, as C said, she is acting like a teenager, she's not getting what she wants.

I feel your pain. It is hard to distance yourself, but in reality, you become stronger and you learn to recover quicker when she hurts or upsets you. I know that my wife is feeling aloneness, but I wonder what it is really doing for her.

This is not 'giving up', just a strategic retreat for a while. I'm sad, and hurt, but I'm also in a much better place right now than I was about 6 weeks ago when I first did my 'detachment' for real. So it will be less painful this time.

What did you do to detach?