Well, I did accomplish some work last nite and got home around 11pm. Everyone was in bed. W did not say anything as I walked by her darkened room. Perhaps she was asleep.
Oddly enough, the front door wasn't locked. Normally it would be if she goes to bed and I'm not home.
This morning she kind of ignored me. I was pretty tired when I got up so I was a bit quiet but not distant. She said a couple things to me and smiled, and I was nice and also smiled. Then D10 came into the room and W said 'Tell your daddy that you missed him last nite'. D10 comes over to me and says she missed me and gives me a hug.
Seemed odd that she would TELL D10 to say that. If D10 wanted to tell me, she would have.
W asked me to make sure I was home thursday nite as she had to work then so I said it was no problem I should be caught up by then.
For the most part we didn't talk. She took D10 to school and I was in the shower when she came home. She then left for her exercise walk so I didn't see her at all and I left to go to my office.
I would say she seems kind of angry still. At what, I don't know. Maybe because I didn't come home, so she had to 'do everything herself'. She seemed to want to 'move forward' with divorce so why should it matter what I do, whether I am home?
I feel so crappy. I was sort of feeling like things were in a plateau until she started her 'I want to move forward' complaining. So, I'm a little depressed today. Seems like she really feels like she 'has to go' for whatever reason. Mostly my emotions are 'shocked'. I've been carrying a lot for a long time and in the back of my mind I would almost be glad if I knew for sure this would be over in the summer and I could grieve and move on.
I've checked out our probable house sale price, what our debts are, and have numbers of what she will get as as settlement. She'll have a couple years of rent for a small home, plus child support and probably some spousal support. But she'll never be able to BUY a house again once she is out of the market though. Not in Southern California.
I figure if I keep distant and detached she should be 'happy', right? She wants 'out' so not having me around should be a positive for her. I'm not going to 'try' any more. She's just an energy drain, and I really am tired of hurting so much. Just need some time.
