Quote: I'm sorry and I know I will likely be in the minority on this one but I think she needs to be shown the door. I DO think she will return, though, once she realizes what she has done. You're enabling her to stay in her fantasy world where all would be perfect if she just had a divorce. BS!!!! Show her what's on the other side of the door. It ain't pretty and she'll learn to appreciate you in such a way that she never forgets. I'd bet on it.
I know it's a leap of faith. I also know you will think it through thoroughly and make a wise decision and no matter what it may be, FWIW I'll support you.
NewJohn's right on with his observation about her wanting to restart her life. NewJohn, you have to realize that sometimes shock therapy is needed. But it comes with risks. That's where I'm at right now in this sitch. A big risk, but the only way to break the status quo.
And, Amy, you are exactly in sync with my Counselor. It's an INCREDIBLE leap of faith but it's also one of the last of my fears, that she would actually leave me. So it's the right thing to do.
If the opportunity comes up Wednesday I will show her HOW she can leave and be ok financially, and HOW she can start the divorce process if she really wants to do it. I won't DO either for her, and I will tell her that I will always love her and I would be happy if we stayed married, but I will not stand by and have her think that she is being held hostage by circumstances.
I'll only do this if it is appropriate during a conversation with her, not as a 'Hey, I was thinking this', because Counselor (and I) think that would come across as threatening. It will better to 'respond' to one of her whines about how "stuck she is" with a 'solution'. Then she has no excuse for being stuck.
If I don't talk to her about it, on Thursday afternoon when she sees Counselor, she will get it from HER. She'll work it into the session somehow, probably as a 'stop making excuses, do what you say you want'.
This is the right thing to do. Counselor said to me today "You have nothing to be ashamed of. You did everything right from day one. You can be at peace knowing you did all that you could do, and in such a short amount of time. She needs this to happen or she won't grow up".
A friend said to me tonite that it's time to stop 'treading water' and it's ok to swim to shore. Take the energy I have been putting into her and put it into me.
Or, as Amy said several days ago. 'Stop trying, turn it over to God"
This is not 'giving up', just a strategic retreat for a while. I'm sad, and hurt, but I'm also in a much better place right now than I was about 6 weeks ago when I first did my 'detachment' for real. So it will be less painful this time.
I don't have the strength right now to deal with her so I'm going to wimp out a little and stay at my office till late, and leave home after the kids go to school. That way I won't cross her path much. Time to let her go and see what happens next.
