Glad the venting made you feel better. BTW, I finally finished reading all your threads and I have to say (like others) what a journey you have been on Frank.
Thanks for your compliment, I hope I have earned it.
You know you bring up a topic that I just don't understand. Why DO people follow my journey? What is special about it? There are lot's of people who have WAW with OM and various affairs MUCH more blatant and often than mine.
What is it about my sitch that makesit different?
Is it because it's a great Soap Opera type story?
Being a logical man, I'm puzzled. I count the blessings that I DO have the support but I'm not sure about the 'recognition' part. I don't see anything special about my 'story'.
What is it that draws anyone to follow my particular story?
Quote: Every time I have a trying time in my sitch, I think of you: Would Frank give in to a knee-jerk reaction or would he think before he acts? Well, I know the answer, so I resist the urge and try and do the right thing, not what just seems instinctual.
I'm honored that I help you in this way. I WILL tell you that sometimes I DO react, but usually in a controlled way. But you know what? Even when I'm down I'm just plain STUBBORN. I never give up when fighting for something I believe in. And I believe in my Wife.
And a LOT if times I cry alone in my room when it hurts so much to see my kids pain, and her pain and all the damage that has been done - and there's nothing I can do about it - or worse, I HAVE TO LET IT HAPPEN so she can grow. Once I understood where SHE really was emotionallly, acting like a 17 year old, it made it possible for me to at least UNDERSTAND and not blame myself any more.
I think I posted one thread where I called W and adultress, and a lot of other stuff to shame her because I was so angry at the time. What I DIDN'T do is call her a 'whore' or anything I couldn't take back. That's the hard part - keeping limits. In fact that is one thing my Counselor made VERY clear to me from the beginning: Once you say it, you can't take it back.
She said make sure you never say or do anything that causes irreparable harm. Sometimes that was sooo hard to do with OM situation. Especially when I finally KNEW who OM really was as a person and that she was hurt by him. I wanted to jump all over her and say 'see! look what you did and now we're all hurt because you were stupid!'
Instead, I ended up lifting her emotionally from the pit she was in. Totally the opposite of what I WANTED to do. Then a week later she came TOWARDS me for a week, now she's gone again. But I still did the right thing in helping her when she needed me. I did the right thing by enabling her to afford to rent this space in the spa. I do a lot of things that are enabling her to 'get on her feet' so she can LEAVE me and be ok. Seems crazy, doesn't it?
At some point, if you are able to UNDERSTAND your wifes issue, you may find yourself in these kinds of predicaments. But, one thing is for sure. If you don't back off and give her a wide berth that time will never come.
Quote: I'm sure there will come a time in the future where I can make such decisions on my own, but for now it helps to learn from the more experienced people here.
I wouldn't have done as well as I have so far were it not for the Counselor I have. She knows this type of life crisis inside and out. She's seen it so many times. She has predicted so many things and been right. I never made any decision without talking to her. I learned to 'defer' things with my wife, give a neutral or non commital response to anything, till I could get Counselors input, and feedback from this board.
That's most of it. Hold your tongue, don't talk about relationship or OM. Don't interfere, but don't be supportive either. Get out of that house, it is full of negative energy. Go to the bookstore, the mall, anywhere. Always smile to her. Always look her in the eyes when speaking about anything.
Read Divorce Remedy, and I really like 'The Way of the Superior Man' as an interesting spiritual book with a lot of insights into how women think.
Keep going. You can do it. I have made it so far and so can you.
