Mojo asks The Big Question

[MJontheMend]

It is much easier for people to change their experiences than to change their self-concept of who they are. Mojo is a rare bird in that sense. It can be done and is often very successful in terms of happiness, but extremely difficult for many people.

I wouldn't say that I've successfully changed my self-concept. I would say that I've experienced some success in exploring the idea of changing my self-concept. I've only crawled far enough out of my rut to see that I was in a rut but I haven't escaped it. Being on this board actually makes it more difficult because I have a natural tendency to want to affiliate with the HDfolk and an even stronger natural tendency to want to disaffiliate with the LDfolk. Actually, recognizing this tendency in me is part of what helped me to work towards changing my self-concept. I had a female friend with whom I had a lot in common, same politics, same sorts of problems with our kids, same problems with middle-age body issues but as soon as I found out that she was quite strongly the LD one in her marriage, I felt like we couldn't really be friends. (Of course, this might have partially been due to the fact that on a couple occasions she had remarked that my personality reminded her of her H:p.) Since I hate having a self-concept of myself as an intolerant person who isn't open to or accepting of other people's varying life experiences and points of view, I was forced to self-confront. I needed to explore my LD-side so that I could have more empathy for LDfolk, in particular my H.

I still consider myself a very sexual person and I still believe that sex is a good thing but I've discovered that I can be okay with being passively sexual rather than actively sexual. Previously, when I've made attempts to "make myself more LD", I did it in a negative way. I tried to put sexual me in a cage or I tranquilized sexual me with cookies or I shamed sexual me into submission. So I ended up feeling trapped, depressed or despairing. Now I explore being less sexual by allowing sexual me to be passive while the other aspects of my personality are more active. I leave sexual me sleeping on a beach in a bikini or cozy on a sofa reading Jane Austen while artistic me tries to get her lithograph machine running and maternal me bakes some cookies with my D and competitive me figures out how to boost sales for her business etc.