The more difference there is between what we want and what we re think we have, the less happiness/satisfaction we experience.
That's very true. So changing your perception/philosophy as Mojo is saying can be very effective. The problem lies in the person's ability to actually do that. HP and I have a similar view on sex. I could have written this exact thing: HP: I think my point is that, for some of us, the idea of "I'd be happy if I was single and not having sex, so why does it bug me so bad now?" is simply not true. I'd be climbing the walls and VERY eager to get back into a relationship so I could resume that part of my life again. For me, it's the same whether I'm in an R or not--lack of sex makes my life incomplete.
The whole basis of humanistic psychology (particularly Carl Rogers) talks directly about the gap between a person's self-concept and their experience/reality. If one's self-concept is that of a sexual being, than not experiencing that side of themselves will create great anxiety/depression, etc. It is much easier for people to change their experiences than to change their self-concept of who they are. Mojo is a rare bird in that sense. It can be done and is often very successful in terms of happiness, but extremely difficult for many people. I for one, do not see myself easily changing my self-concept as a sexual person. If the M ends, I will fairly quickly find another sexual partner. That is me. I see instances of some women (and men) who get D and talk of not dating (having sex) with anyone in 4, 5, ,6 years and on. Those people are hard for me to relate to but I understand that everyone has a different self-concept and certainly people's views on the importance of sex is as varied as anything else. So what do you do in a SSM? If you can manage the Mojo way, than more power to you. Probably effective. But expect that you will need to rework a large part of your self-concept, of who you are. My bet is most people on this board are unwilling or unable to do that (myself included). But I am digging the ideas Mojo. Still simmering in my brain. Me likes.
