Jenny wrote on her thread Quote: So, I asked myself why it was the case that I could contemplate maybe doing without sex for a year or two if I divorced my husband but I couldn't contemplate going for a week or two without sex while I was married to him.
Lil said I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this, male and female.
Here is MPOV or how my situation feels to me. (Not totally organized, sifted through and condensed)
BB is near me most of the day so my expectations are higher that “just maybe,” something sexual/romantic will happen. I think about her more when we are together than when apart.
When I was on vacation I had fewer sexual thoughts. No proximity to BB lowered expetations???? Myabe, just my thoughts.
Also had a lot of outside stimuli happening (JJ’s day-trading) that was not related to BB or sexual in any way.
I guess a similar situation would be for an alcoholic, not going to a bar helps reduce desire for drinking.
I can’t totally ignore BB in this case. If I did ignore BB and know I would not see her but a few times a year, I am certain my sexual desires would decrease.
I suspect, in JJ’s pre-Alaska mental state/process, being near the reward causes an expectation. Knowing you might not be in proximity to a reward for a while diminishes the expectation and lowers the frustrating feelings one might experience.
Academically you know you will have more sex (and other things too) staying with a spouse than being on your own for a while.
The rub is you know the reward ratio could be much higher living together and thinking or knowing the reward schedule won’t meet your expectations, caused more pain/frustration than in a situation that is almost devoid of potential rewards.
So what is the biggest motivating factor? Frustrations caused by a person not getting enough rewards in a potential land of plenty, or ( giving up the current R) thinking one will find the reward if one looks in the right places and does the proper prospecting, knowing all a long, one might have many lean times or not ever strike pay-dirt?
Back to proximity. The SO is there everyday=higher expetations, which cause more frustrations if those expetations are not met.. Gennerally??? IMOP yes. The more difference there is between what we want and what we re think we have, the less happiness/satisfaction we experience.
