Mojo asks The Big Question

[MJontheMend]

Refresh my memory please....were you ever what you would consider to be LD?

Nope and hope to never be. Well, I should qualify that and say that I have never been LD within the context of a meaningful relationship but I have been LD in the context of signaling "Go Away" when a guy says "If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?".

Here's another way to look at what I'm doing/thinking. Let's imagine that there's a continuum along which you can be HD. At the far end is DESPERATE, followed by DEMANDING, followed by WORKING HARD FOR THE HONEY, HONEY, followed by EXPRESSING INTEREST/DESIRE, followed by EASY LAY, followed SEXUALLY NEUTRAL followed by DOING IT TO BE NICE, followed by JUST DOING IT, followed by NOT WANTING TO DO IT, followed by REALLY NOT WANTING TO DO IT, followed by REFUSING TO DO IT, followed by REFUSING TO EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING IT. (Granted, having never been LD my LD end of the spectrum might be inaccurate or more from the POV of the HD partner).

I have never gone further down the scale than EASY LAY and it is hard for me to imagine going further down the scale than that in any context ( This would be like imagining that I am capable of refusing to eat a slice of pie if I am hungry and someone baked it special and wants to share a slice with me. I have to admit that I can't think of one instance in my single life when I didn't choose to have sex when confronted with a single, friendly, attractive man with a hard-on.), but I am considering, experimenting with the idea that I might be happiest if I try to keep myself mostly down at the EASY LAY end of the scale.

Partly, this is because I think there is a certain balance in which where you are on the scale influences where your partner will be on the scale. If you are at DESPERATE then your partner is more likely to be at REFUSING TO HAVE SEX. From your POV, the fact that your partner is REFUSING is forcing you to be DESPERATE and from your partner's POV the fact that you are acting DESPERATE is making it impossible for them to do anything but REFUSE. However, if you are both plumb in the middle at NEUTRAL then you are happy roommates, not sexual partners so you've changed the whole paradigm. There has to be some lack of balance in order to make a sexual relationship function in the same way that there has to be some lack of symmetry in a work of art in order to make it interesting.

I wasn't even properly expressing my whole sexual potential when I said I can never go further down the scale than EASY LAY. What I should say is that as far as I can go down the scale naturally. I can play or pretend at being more LD than that within the context of a relationship, that is I am capable of "playing" hard-to-get or engaging in sexual teasing. Why would I want to do that? Why would a woman who wasn't feeling a lot of physical sexual desire want to "play" or "pretend' that she really wanted to f*ck her H's brains out? What is the difference between "playing' at a sexual role that doesn't come naturally to you and "faking" that role?