I understand what you're saying about the choices, Chrissy, but in my case, I could have sex more often with my BF (read: at all) if I would initiate.
But knowing that he finds me desirable and wants me is obviously MORE important to me than having sex, kwim? So I keep looking for signs that he is sexually attracted to me, and I'm not seeing them. And THAT'S what hurts, NOT the lack of sex. I'm drawing this conclusion about my priorities by observing my behavior.
I guess in a way I'm stuck on the sandbar with barney and cemar (and karen, too)... I want to be wanted. I want to know that he wants me.
And I disagree that when you're single you can have sex any time you want to. I guess you can pick up someone just about any time you want to. But to establish a relationship with someone you really like and love, have a home (or "home" analog) with them, grow to love their kids, sing together, build a garden, share cooking, meals, travel-- you can't find THAT any old time you want to. I think we've established that this isn't just about having sex whenever you want.
If the "meaning" aspect of this issue didn't matter to me, I probably could have sex (or something resembling sex) any time I wanted to also... but I would never know that feeling of being sexually desired by my special chosen partner... sad, very sad.
JJ, what did you do with your desire to be desired? Oh, that's right, when you backed off, your H stepped up to the plate often enough to satisfy your desire to be desired.
Chrissy, your H wants you sexually more than you want him, so my spot may be a hard spot for you to imagine (maybe in past relationships you felt this way?).
I guess I need to push myself outside of MY comfort zone...
