Quote: So, I asked myself why it was the case that I could contemplate maybe doing without sex for a year or two if I divorced my husband but I couldn't contemplate going for a week or two without sex while I was married to him.
I'd love to hear people's thoughts on this, male and female.
In my own case, I know I'm stuck on what I interpret his lack of interest in me sexually MEANS about his feelings toward me. I know he has the ED issue, but this man gives a great hand job (although he pretty much won't do oral due to the ick factor )-- the fact that he won't push outside his comfort zone to pleasure me MEANS to me that I don't mean that much to him.
OTOH I know he loves me. He would do anything for me (except this).
OTOH again, I'm not exactly stepping up to the plate and initiating. The diff between me and Mojo is that when I stopped initiating, we stopped having sex, unless you count four or five times in the last two years (that's when he had the heart surgery and stopped drinking).
Chances are, if I started initiating again, he would go along, but that wouldn't solve the MEANING issue cited above.
I guess the bottom line for me (at least at this moment, until I come up with something else) is that the MEANING is more important to me than the sex itself.
Must ponder that.
It occurs to me that I should follow NOP's advice to NG and initiate every day. In the beginning I did and most of the time we did it (whatever it is we do-- seldom IC), but a) there were a few times when he turned me down BRUTALLY, and b) he was drinking. Those two things were not unrelated.
)-- the fact that he won't push outside his comfort zone to pleasure me MEANS to me that I don't mean that much to him. 