Thanks to both of you, your posts are really validating. Even now, I sit here and want to waffle on my decision, but I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT! I think he expects me to.

Sabu, you commented that it doesn't seem that my H has a point, then BeingMe wrote what his point is: he's a cake eater. He wants to make sure that he has someone waiting when he figures his stuff out.

H came home for his lunch, why? He didn't eat. He had his job review today and I guess got an email from his brother that really touched him and wanted to know if I wanted to read it. I told him that I was glad he finally got his evaluation, knew he'd been stressing on it, and really glad he and his brother are trying to mend some fences, but that part of my decision is to not let myself get wrapped up in his life. Of course he got pissed and tried to tell me anyway, I just kinda walked away.

Then he wants to "talk," but of course has nothing new to say, that's really hard to cuz I WANT to talk, for foolish hope he'll suddenly start professing his undying love for me and swear off all contact with OW and try to work on things Anyway, he told me that "if" he moves out he won't be moving to be with OW and won't ask her to move here, doesn't think she would (I don't buy it), and still hopes that maybe when he gets his head straight that he'll realize he wants to stay married!! So, if he has these hopes, and really truly does not see a long-term future with OW, why leave, and put the kids through this crap AGAIN? Because having OW tell him how hot he is gets his rocks off and he's not willing to let that go.

He still has a lot of anger at me, justifiably, for my withdrawal from our R in the years leading up to his affair. I was depressed, severely, and had major self-esteem issues. I know that now and and feel absolutely horrid and sorry that it took him leaving for me to get my act together. He's still too angry about that, and maybe will not ever forgive me, I guess I really can't blame him.

So, here we are again. He's got at least another three weeks in the house with me. I am going to have to find lots of things to do in the evenings, it will be hard to share space and not get friendly. Hopefully, fingers crossed, I will hear from some of the jobs I've applied for so I can get out of the house to earn money instead of spend it!!