You won't get any disagreement out of me on anything you vented in your last 2 posts because, well, you're totally right on everything. And really, you're totally right to feel that way. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
I'm all for DBing and what-if'ing and all the other stuff that goes with it, but y'know, it doesn't extend to being a doormat. Or having your heart being treated like a doormat, either. Unlike others on these forums here, I'm personally all for snooping because a) whoever first said ignorance is bliss was a complete moron, and b) our cheating spouses are hopeless liars to begin with, and often, snooping is pretty much the only way for *some* sort of honesty to surface and know where the relationship stands. And where *we,* the ones who got the major screw job, stand. Doesn't do the emotions much good to find out something *is* going on, but where and when does all the lying stop? And we have a TOTAL right for all the lying to stop. Like someone once said on some TV show recently, "First I trust. Then I verify."
For any reconciliation to succeed, ALL contact has to be broken off with OWs and OMs. Period. There's no such thing as "only" texting. Or "we're only friends." That's bull, and a lie, and they know it. Spouses who say, "I really don't know who/what I want" are also full of bull. They *know* who/what they want. They just don't have the cajones to say it to our faces. So they'll make up all sorts of other reasons, or just do little things to make us even more unhappy until, well, *we* say it's time to call it a day. And then guess what? *We* become the bad guys, the ones who quit on *them*.
Yeah, it IS all crap. Everyone just has their own threshold for it. Should you have decided already it's time to call it a day, so be it; may your heart stay safe and may the good spirits be with you on where you go next.
sabu
It's better to need someone because you love them than it is to love someone because you need them.
