Quote: You had mentioned in an earlier post that I had better start opening up before he gives up, so, in this particular example, would you have suggested I not say anything about what that time was for me? (sincere question, honest)
Ayup, that would have been my 2 cents. You know the old adage: If you can't say nuthin' good, don't say nuthin' at all But really, I'm not being entirely facetious on that. Does it really matter *how* he ended up getting sober? For most people (especially any 12-stepper or rehabber), it only matters that he *did* -- and is staying that way. *That's* the most important thing. And it would be helpful if you realized that and embraced it instead of finding criticism in something inherently good. Bad relationships have a better chance of becoming good ones if only everybody would just start draining their cesspools of being so damn mad forever at the other person. And really, that's one of the difficulties I've been facing in my own marriage in counseling.
I guess we're on 2 somewhat different pages concerning what constitutes "opening up." It's not about being the relationship historian and dragging out those horses of resentment so you can beat them all over again (at least when you're not in the MC's office, anyway; you know how we tend to go off when we're left unattended ) When you do that, it's easy to get defensive and resentful all over again, then the other person gets defensive and resentful and so it goes on and on and before you know it, nobody's talking about *anything* anymore other than an occasional "well, screw you and the horse you rode in on."
Opening up isn't about being right or who was *more* right right now or umpteen years ago. Doesn't matter. It's about what's the right thing to do *right now* ... and how to start getting there *together.* United we stand, divided we fall and all that.
Sabu
It's better to need someone because you love them than it is to love someone because you need them.
But really, I'm not being entirely facetious on that. Does it really matter *how* he ended up getting sober? For most people (especially any 12-stepper or rehabber), it only matters that he *did* -- and is staying that way. *That's* the most important thing. And it would be helpful if you realized that and embraced it instead of finding criticism in something inherently good. Bad relationships have a better chance of becoming good ones if only everybody would just start draining their cesspools of being so damn mad forever at the other person. And really, that's one of the difficulties I've been facing in my own marriage in counseling.