He said he feels like he is making this whole sitch all about him (duh, it is),
Well, no ... actually, it's about *both* of you. It's about him because you didn't deserve what you got. And it's about you because if he was completely happy with you, he wouldn't have had reason to get involved with someone else. And it's about both of you because neither one of you managed to speak up and do something about your unhappinesses.
And all relationships that fall apart pretty much share that basic plot line. It's what you do afterward that matters.
Quote:
He wants to have intimate discussions about our R...I can't do that! Yet, I feel that these things are signs that he is reaching out, he wants to feel things from me, he wants me to open up to him, I don't think I can, or even know how. I am scared if I don't fill that need, then I will lose him. Somehow I have to figure out how to have "meaningful" R talks where I am participating too, but steer clear of the OW sitch and his feelings for her.
Believe me, if you don't start opening up soon, you *will* lose him. Even the biggest fool learns to stop beating his head against a wall eventually.
My own 19-year marriage was the victim of an affair as well (hers), but the affair itself wasn't the actual disease -- it was only a symptom. You're going to *have* to eventually discuss OW and his feelings for her, but until then, a good starting point might be talking about and getting to understand the actual dissatisfactions that caused the affair to happen in the first place. As for discussing the affair and OW itself, that might be better handled in a "safe ground" environment that a counselor's office provides.
Sabu
It's better to need someone because you love them than it is to love someone because you need them.
