Quote: I cheated on the man. He doesn't want me in the marital bed. Don't I have to respect that? How can I expect him to ever honor my boundaries if I refuse to honor his?
Firstly, he is not enforcing a boundary; he is attempting to control you with his bullying behavior.
What about this: "H, I'd like to start sleeping in my bed again. What do you think about that?" H: What makes you think you deserve it? Heather: Well, I think that we should either be on the road to creating a better marriage--which would naturally include both of us sleeping in the same bed--or we should be on the road to ending it. I'm tired of being in limbo, with neither of us being happy. H: Oh so now you want a divorce! Heather: No, what I want is to sleep in our bed, with you. I'm no longer willing to live with being barred from the marital bed, indefinitely. I would like to work towards putting our lives back together. H: This is just like you. Always telling me when it's gonna happen, how it's gonna be. Heather: I'm not telling you anything about you; I'm saying that I'd like to work towards a better marriage, including sleeping in our bed, and that I'm not willing to live in limbo anymore. H: Yeah but I either accept you back in the bed, even though you're a cheating b*tch, or you're gonna file. Heather: I never said anything about leaving; I said that we need to decide which direction we're taking this marriage and act accordingly. I'm not willing to live like this forever.
He verbally abuses you so that he maintains control. The thing is, people who have to resort to such things are never really that strong, they are weak and afraid and that's why they act the way they do. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but the truth is that you wield a lot more power in the M than you think you do. Otherwise, he wouldn't be so hellbent on verbally keeping you in line.
