Am I Creating a SSM?

[heatherg]

Update~
H and I had a pretty good C session last week. Things got a little intense at certain times and I was afraid that H was feeling pressured. Toward the end of the session, she left to make a copy of something and I said "You know how they say 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?'" I was indicating that we should not carry negative feelings from C back into our daily routine and he said "What are you saying, that I should never let you go to Vegas?" That struck me as funny. That lightened things up a little. The C does tend to focus on him a lot, she always starts out addressing him, which is great by me because it breaks through his barriers a little more each time. She started out asking him how he was feeling and he absolutely could not answer her. She finally got out these little plastic faces each showing a different emotion and she showed him each one and asked 'do you feel like this?' and so on. Finally, we got out that he was happy. Maybe he just didn't want to admit it???! He said 'Things are going good'.

The largest topics we covered were getting to the bottom of H's comment that "The way the R goes is determined by Heather, she controls whether or not we get along". The other topic we mostly discussed was S5's bedtime. I didn't intend to get into a discussion about that, I was only giving an example of a situation where I was not allowed to make a parental decision concerning S5. The C sort of veered off the topic we were discussing which disappointed me and she started talking asking questions about the specifics of S5's bedtime, which I didn't really want to get into again. H thinks I have a problem with his R with S5. I told him he has placed S5 to a status in the family that a child should not have and probably doesn't even want to have and it has thrown off the balance in the family because instead of him and I at the top with our children underneath, it has become S5 and him at the top with me underneath. The C agreed that the balance in the family is off.

The C asked H several times what I can do to make things better and he said that time was what he needed. He indicated he needed a lot of time under our belts to assure him that the R would remain intact before trust would start to be regained. I've been on the fence so long and certainly did not keep that a secret, so H needs to be reassured that I am not going anywhere. Understandable.

We have another session tomorrow.

Overall, we are getting along well, H is back to being affectionate. He's using touch, which I find very reassuring.