Am I Creating a SSM?

[heatherg]

Notice that word 'supposed to' in your sentence? Drop it from your repitoire, delete it from your vocabulary. It will cause you all kinds of pain and misery.


Got it!

If he is going... that's all that matters. For now.

Ok.

People don't understand just how patient you HAVE been for the last two years... not even your H. You are the type of person who sees a problem... comes up with a list of potential solutions... then you chose one, you solve the problem, and you move on. Okay... on to the next thing, please. That's a wonderful, wonderful trait you have... quite a blessing from God.

Corrie, that's a really nice thing to say and it makes me feel good that you see that in me. It has paid off well in my professional life, but things don't work the same way in my personal life

I think what you should do with your H is... maybe at dinner tonight, or some neutral time when no R talk is going on... say to him, "H, I would like to have a date from you on when I can return to sleeping in our bed. What would be good for you?"

I wonder if maybe this is something the C could ask rather than me. That may help defuse the question a little. What do you think?

You are putting an amazing amount of your energy into trying to 'fix' your marriage, and because of this, you are missing the subtlies of what IS occuring.


I know I tend to focus on the bad. I do recognize the good, I really do. When I think back over where we've been, I can hardly believe we made it out of that jungle. I'm an over-achiever, what can I say?! I guess I feel like if you focus on the good, you lose your drive to make things better. Like I said, it works well in business, but perhaps not so good at home. This could probably lead into a whole other topic, but I'll save it for later.

We all want to be good mothers....you ARE a good mother. You know it as well as I do. And as soon as you KNOW it inside, you will become completely impervious to these attacks of his. He does it because it works with you. When it no longer works with you, he'll stop doing it.


Well, sort of. Parenting is of utmost importance to him....it is to me too, we just have different views on what great parenting is. He sees my karate as a detractor from my parenting ability. I don't. Nonetheless, just like I care if my H thinks I'm a good lover, a good person, I want him to think I'm a good mother as well. I care what he thinks about me. I do know I'm a good mother, but if my partner doesn't think so, it hurts. I've always cared what other people think about me, especially H. I'm probably a little too sensitive, but I guess I always thought it was a good quality to care what other people think about you. I tend to view people who don't care what others think as somewhat arrogant and probably selfish.

The kids sleeping in bed with him thing....Stay consistent about the issue, stay consistent in your action/reaction to it... and above all, STOP making it about YOU.

Ok. I do need to stop personalizing everything. Thanks.

As far as making a happy M. Hm. I suppose the best advice I can give you on that one is to ask yourself, "can I accept him EXACTLY as he is today, and still be happy?"

Does accepting him mean I have to accept the M as it is?

I know what it is you want from him, but understand that he may not be able to deliver it, for whatever reason. Over time, you will be able to work out for yourself what you want/need in your life... and whether those wants/needs are negotiable or not. Then you will be able to make decisions that are best for YOU, and you won't be making decisions because of HIM and what he is or is not doing.

This sounds great, but I'm not sure I understand how to do that. The two are so closely related.

Hang in there, girl. You are doing great. I sure as heck admire your grit and determination.

You WILL get there. Where 'there' is, I don't know... but you'll get there. Promise.

Thanks Corri!